Take a deep breath. Put your phone away. Calm yourself down.

IME, when I have done something similar is to then write a well thought out email telling him how you can see your pattern of separation anxiety, panic, anger, spamming... This is the start to changing the behavior... to recognize it...

You can stop spamming him! Put the phone away! I think like me you are doing a self fulfilling prophesy of I'll push you away until you leave and then I can blame it all on you for leaving.

sorry if this sounds to blunt...I really do understand these feelings..had them myself