these last few nights I have been manic....especially today and it's actually hurting a bit by now....not eating ...drinking too much....not sleeping but passing out just in time for the nightmares .

been doing what I avoid mostly and thats playing music and watching seriously deep musical epics....live Pink Floyd...Led Zeppelin...Guns 'n' Roses.... The Eagles ....Elton John...Neil Diamond....Sarah Brightman...Joe satriani...Soundgarden...(and how my mania thrives on grunge)...Nirvana! ...concerts on the youtube....bit of everything....(and how my mania just thrives on anything intense....loud soft thrash or melody...just so long as it blows my mind !)

and I aint' so good in crowds...but I watch these crowds at those epic concerts...and they move as one!....

whatever I can find I want to feel it... stuff I understood before I really got messed up!

and then I went and read about how poor Kurt blew a hole in his head...
and how poor Amy just drank too much last year....and on my birthday!

and then I got curious about "creativity"...and it's ability to influence me in such extreme ways ....deep emotional ways....inspirational uplifting ways....and how it really strains those that are expressing it!...and so universally brilliantly

The relationship between art and pain is undeniable. All art (I’d add the best art) is birthed out of pain, in one form or another. Pain is universal, which is the reason art can break down barriers and bring people together. Art, birthed out of pain, speaks to our personal and communal brokenness and our longing to be mended.
I recently heard it said that poets and songwriters create their work as a result of experiencing pain. So for us to ask for more work, more poems and songs, we are asking the poet and songwriter to experience more pain. While most of us would not actually want someone to experience more pain, we eagerly anticipate more art, because it speaks to the pain in our own lives.

it's so hard to not want to be amongst it...

the way other simply humans share their pain in incredible ways and it means something....and thats just music!....then there are the painters and writers... poets and sculptors...animators....dreamers...we are all dreamers....just trying to make sense of the nightmare

cos life just hurts....no matter what