i thought id come on and write a post because im ffeling really low today. ive been feeling unhappy all day, and ive been trying to pick myself up.

the family are round today and i was just sat down there with everyone and we had the radio on, and a song came on that i didnt like, so all i said was "oh, i dont like this song" and my brother said "you dont like anything hip these days, the only stuff you like is stuff everyone else doesnt, you are so out of touch of society that you havent got a clue whats in the charts!". and i thought that was really harsh, then i replied "i dont care what everyone else likes, if i like it, thats all that counts to me. just because something is popular or not doesnt make me like it, i have my own tastes and it isnt determined by everyone else!" to which my sister asked my dad "where did you get him from!" and i felt really attacked. im getting so fed up of being attacked now, especially considering im having one of my bad days. it would just be nice if someone could give me a compliment once in a while instead of constant insults. its one thing insulting me, but i dont allow anyone to insult my music, its my life and it means so much to me and for it to be attacked like that hurts alot.

i feellike my creative side to me is being crushed and im trying so hard to keep hold of it, but it just seems to be being killed off and theres nothing i can do to stop it. i just want to pack my bags and leave, i really wish i could!

i never feel like im accepted for being myself anymore, im not liked by many people, but im not nasty, aggressive, mean, vicious etc, im just a sweet guy who cares for people but i seem to be invisible to everyone these days.

when i get my bad days i just want someone to be there for me to understand that im feeling low and to comfort me and cheer me up, but all i get here is kicked whilst im down. im so fed up of being alone and unhappy, im even crying now and nobody seems to care.

i just dont understand how people dont accept me for being myself, being my own person (unlike my brother who acts how people want him to act, ya know, the shallow type of person, and yet he has so many friends and everyone loves him. days like today make me hate him. especially after what he did to me years ago!)

i feel ugly today, i was looking int he mirror earlier and i didnt like what i saw, but becuase i havent got (and never did have) anyone to compliment me and tell me im fine, its left up to me alone to do it, which after a while isnt easy. im tired of seeing nasty people be adored and for myself to be insulted all the time. and its not like i dont stick up for myself, because i do, ALOT! but when im low like today its just that little bit harder and it leaves me feeling upset and alone. so i tend to go to my room and cry, like i am now.

i dotn feel like i will ever be loved by anyone, im just too much hassle it seems. i was an accidental child and its been that way for all the 19 years of my life, and ive had enough now! maybe thats the way life's meant to be for me, some people have it easy, whilst others cant cope and are constantly battling darkness.