I'm going to see my newT again on Wed., and I am going to ask him direct questions. I want to find out why my T ditched me.

Why is all of this so painful? Why can't I just forget and move on? I can feel the pain and it feels like I"m swimming in the sea of pain. It feels like I can't even come up for air. My rage is my rage, and I am so freaking angry. I am in so much pain from my xT hurting me, and I want a reason that would make sense, because this is just killing me. I feel like I'm not worth the time or effort. I'm already thrown out. My insides are twisted and turned from not knowing why, do I deserve this? Will the rest of my life be spent working through pain? I dread all of this and am not in a good mood about it. Whatever. Everynight when I go to sleep I hope I don't wake up. Imagine the disappointment when i do. UGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG