Quote:
Originally Posted by jimrat
I think it's right that habit is a big part. Look at food. We tend to like what we were used to eating as children.
And some things clearly affect us.
But sometimes therapists' explanations are so far fetched, like this and that behavior from a parent will lead to this or that problem. Sometimes it is kind of clear, if your parents have been unstable and sometimes there sometimes not, you might grow up to be scared of being abandoned. Not exactly rocket science. But it really ticks me off when they start analyze things like Oh you're depressed because this and that happened and you yourself think it was nothing big but they are "sure" they found the key. Or that you are scared of spiders because they are a symbol of your mom.
I can still tell my parents were not to blame for the issues I encountered in life. In many ways, they might actually helped me with my strengths, but no one ever sees it that way, do they?
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Your post made me smile
I agree with you totally. I can see where therapists are coming from but I also think sometimes it does get far fetched. This happened to me recently when T made some connections to my childhood that didn't make sense to me. They weren't as 'out there' as symbolising a spider for my mother, but I couldn't see the relevance at all.
And I agree with you that our childhoods can actually serve to change our patterns rather than keep us in the same ones. A lot of therapists (and people in general) seem to minimalise the choice we have over our actions.
Also, I think that sometimes people act in such a way because they ARE similar to people encountered in the past, not because we perceive them that way. Although my T might sometimes want to help me take a different approach to the person based on my experience, which is fair enough.
But yes, sometimes it does go too far.
I think it's matter of trusting yourself about the links T is making. If it doesn't feel right to you, perhaps it isn't. It might of course mean you're not ready to see the link, but a gut feeling is sometimes enough to let you know that T is barking up the wrong tree. I don't usually go wrong with a gut feeling...even when it led to a rupture with T over her approach.