Monjul - I love your posts (and you've only made 3 so far!!! )

This is exactly how I would like my husband and I to work together. I have always been willing to support him and generally, we do a good job with teamwork and compensating for each others strengths/weaknesses. However, the main area that we get 'stuck' in regards 'lists'.

The dilemma is that he really freaks out if he has more than one thing to do, and god forbid we make a list. That would send him right to bed, quivering with paralysis. Yet, he also gets defensive if I am involved with keeping him on task, no matter what kind of approach I take. It's a catch-22 - he acknowledges that he struggles and would benefit from help, but he can't accept it. Hence now trying this coach -- we've tried so many other approaches and they didn't work well, so we can't just give up.

One thing that works well for us, though, is the 'job jar' (it's actually an old bike water bottle). We took a few regular household responsibilities, such as cleaning the garage or mowing the lawn, and broke them down into tasks that take less than an hour to complete. Then, on weekends, he just picks something out of the 'job jar'. In this way, he doesn't get overwhelmed with too many responsibilities looming over him, yet doesn't get defensive about having me 'tell him what to do'.

We've also had some terrific therapy sessions lately; ones where we both hugged and cried tears of intimacy (as stupid as that sounds coming from someone like me who tends to be rather stoic). I'm so grateful to our T, who really has an intuitive way of bridging the communication gap and manages to work around my husband's defensiveness.

Anyway, thanks for your stories and your replies. I appreciate it!