Just a thought Lost, i had a major wobble when my T told me she was going to be away for the whole summer. We had some bad sessions let me tell you lol it was then that i started an art journal. I wrote or scribbled my anger, i wrote angry words, angry letters, BIG hurt scribbled thoughts. I drew and painted and collaged my utterly desperate feelings of abandonment. I screamed at her on those pages, i hated her and loved her and begged her not to leave me, sometimes i scribbled it out or painted over it if it was too raw and too honest. I told my secrets on those pages, tore them out, ripped them up and stuck them back in like a mixed up jigsaw and painted over them again until the words couldn't make sense. I filled an entire book that month and it helped soooo much.

I actually showed her it when she came back and she loved it. She thought it was "profoundly beautiful and moving"

This could maybe help you after your sessions? Get that rage and fear out on paper.