I have been going through a lot in treatment and with starting the application process for disability. I have not had boyfriend in the loop on any of it. I needed to try and look at all of the info and figure out what I needed. I needed to sort a lot out before an intelligent conversation could take place. I simply did not know enough...

Today I finally told him I was going for disability after struggling badly since 2007. I am exhausted. BPolar rapid cycles of up and downs with constant trials and combos of drugs... intermittent working. I go up and down several times in a few weeks and then just crash ans sleep for a bout a week. I just cannot go on this way.

I have been offered a DBT OP program that will be 6-8 months for me. It is next door to my therapist and pdoc. Free bus passes to/fro. Incredible opportunity to maybe finally get stable. I would have to go on disability.

I have fought that tooth and nail all of these years. I finally agreed to the 9months-1 year category on the forms. I AM going to work again. I will also use this time to hone skills even one hour a day. I am NOT going to let this disease steal my life. I do need to be more stable in order to claim it though.

He took this all so much better than I expected. Not great. And he is scared. But we are talking about it. He has watched me get up and fall over and over these last two years. He seems to understand- once explained- that this is ultimately something that might finally give me back some semblance of a life.

I am so relieved. And scared. But so glad we finally talked.