Alcohol addiction is a f**king *****. Unfortunately, it is a depressant, so it doesn't help. Ever. A friend of mine committed suicide recently. People said it was alcoholism. True, she was an alcoholic, but she was self-medicating. Her real problem; the one that killed her, was her mental health issues. She drank to drown out the pain and chaos in her head. Stop. Whatever it takes, just stop. 90 meetings in 90 days, inpatient treatment if you have the $$, anything. I wish you well. BTW, had 23 yrs. sober until I decided to drink. That's when I thought it would be a good day to die. I guess I was wrong.