Hi Harley,

I actually don't know why I feel so much guilt about our relationship, I always feel like I am the one who ruined things, or tainted them, or whatever. He even says its not true, lol, but I really feel badly for it and in some warped way I think that maybe if I had never initiated things he would actually treat me like a human being and not his personal sex toy. A part of me knows that it was inevitable, but the way he freaked out on me was kind of jarring.

Hobbies, hmmm. I tend to pick up weird talents when I am having an episode. I can never duplicate them when I am "normal". My poor little sketchbook goes from insane portraits and paintings to stick figures, kind of hilarious. Maybe I should go looking around Michaels or another craft store and just pick something that looks cool. There isn't much that I really like to do and I think I kind of default to sexual things often. I think it keeps me from going wild in the real world.

I guess I don't know how to balance things out.