My H really does not like to hear about my emotional issues, I think he gets too uncomfortable. I very rarely talked/talk to him about my xT. My H seemed to be in an exceptionally good mood today
We went out back by the pool and sat and just talked. I brought up all about my termination, how painful it was, and how my xT handled the last four to five months of the termination. He was supportive, and he believed me He validated my perceptions, and thought that I was insightful. I told him about how I had finally been asked "is therapy helping you," for the last time, gave up even though I wanted to stay, and said I would terminate next session. I told him how when I arrived at the next session, xT said, "I'm going to have to terminate our relationship." I told H how I then said, "Oh, I thought I had already decided that , that it was supposed to be me.' and how he said, "Oh, I fergot."
My H responded with, wow, how insecure/vulnerable he must have felt in order to behave in that fashion. He said, Anti., this may have been a power play, but if you look behind the behavior like you usually do, you won't see someone who overpowered you, you'll see someone who is defensive. Great insight. I wish I could own it. I think that it is really sad, to be honest. H said, it would have been a lot more therapeutical if he had just said, I have this this and this on my plate (including countertransference) and I can no longer do this. It isn't your fault (or this is my choice because of the issues I'm experiencing.) I can own my own stuff, and I was obsessive and I was having difficulties with my emotions. I was blindsided by all of this, and am still really hurt because I really cared about xT. I never thought I could talk to my H about it, but I did this time, and he didn't get angry or be dismissive, he sat and talked with me. And it really helped. SOMEONE believes me, SOMEONE trusts my perceptions, I really my H. I feel like I did in therapy, I feel like my head has been released from the vice grip.