I understand your anxiety for your child. My daughter is almost 19 and going through a very dangerous phase of her life. I don't know how to talk to her, but if anything ever happened to her I'd blame myself. Children get to an age where we can only give advice and pray for them. The only promise that I make to myself is that if she ever really needs me, I'll be there to do my best for her. Parents do feel unconditional love for their children, but we cannot live their lives for them. We also have to set our boundaries in relation to respect for ourselves as well as them. Just let your children know you love them and will be there. However painful it is, we have to step back and let them live their lives as they choose. Let him know how you feel and thats all you can do. Its hard to avoid confrontations with children, but when they become adults, we must treat them as fellow adults. Its best to stay busy if you are in the midst of a panic attack. Force yourself to call a friend, go shopping, read a book, anything...My best to you, J~