Quote:
Originally Posted by autotelica
I'm not sure I'm following you here.
The therapist has every right to want to uphold his boundaries. And I think Lost did know she was breaking a rule by texting him so much, but in her panic she believed that getting the reassurance would be worth the consequence. Therapist has every right to hold her to the consequence, whatever it is going to be. Just because he understands where she's coming from doesn't mean he has to give in. The therapist knows the desire for reassurance is coming from an unhealthy place--one that is always hungry. Constantly feeding it is not the answer.
I'm not sure what the therapist could have done to make this better for Lost. It's obvious he tripped a land mind, but I sounds like he's doing the best he can.
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I agree with this.
Even though it makes perfect sense - and as much as understanding is important - it's also important that Ts help model healthy boundaries.
I have needed reassurance from my T in the past....and the last time I asked him for reassurance, he told me that he has already given me that before and that I need to remember it and not continue to ask for what I already know. I have not asked since. He is teaching me to hang onto what I know.
When I've addressed my attachment/abandonment fears with T, he has told me that I'm not always going to feel this way and talked about 'the end' of therapy. How I feel about that is mine to own and how I react to it is also mine to own. Putting ownership for how T addressed the topic on him does not take away the ownership that I have for my own feelings and reaction.
Lack of respect for boundaries has consequences, in real life and in therapy. And typically, the boundaries become more firm which can be even more painful to bear, for one who struggles with self-control.
Lost, being out of control with your texting to T...knowing how your T would feel about that...and then condemning yourself for it and assuming that your T hates you, etc....is a vicious pattern - one that is worth doing something differently...because this approach is only harming you and possibly even your relationship with T.