I'm not ready. When were on our walks and he starts talking about it...this is what happens.

I look down, I don't see anything that is around us anymore. I keep walking next to him on auto pilot. I know he's talking and I'm listening, but I'm not hearing what he's saying at all anymore. His sentences lose there meanings because the only thing I hear is all the negatives that I've been pulling out of the conversation. Now I feel like the world around me has fallen to pieces. My heart feels like it literately has stopped, and I just can't say anything anymore, the words won't come. I don't feel like I have a say because I know it won't make a difference...I will eventually lose him anyway, just like I lost everyone else. I look up at him, and he asks me if I agree with what he just said and I say yes, but I don't really know what I'm agreeing too anymore...because I have been lost in my distorted thoughts for the last 10 minutes. I've gotten to the point where I don't care about anyone or anything, and nothing he says is going to even make a difference. I'm so deeply depressed that I just want to stop walking and dissapear of the planet right then and there. I'm lost in my head and he can't get me out. I'm so shutdown, the rest of the session is a total waste. I look up at T and he is frustrated...again.

That's what happens. Every time.