Could it be my mental state has went from bad to horrible, to more horrible because even though I suck at remembering dates my sister reminded me the other day that the thing that caused the PTSD happened on a day that's coming up? Also I am kind of nervous about my appointment on the same day...as that. But yeah I've pretty much been really on edge since I had a panic attack sunday morning. It was when I was visiting my brother and his girlfriend so I went home after and tried getting some rest and was too anxious so I called my sister and she came over to talk which was helpful for the time being and then a friend of mine picked me up to go to his house where things aren't as stressful...Anyways, I didn't get much sleep last night and so far I've got no sleep tonight and its 3 in the morning. I've actually been feeling pretty weird since earlier today as well besides just being on edge...not sure how to describe it.

I just feel like crap in general and as if purposely bumping my head against a wall twice within the past week when I was feeling stupid for causing arguments wasn't enough I accidently ran into a door and got a nice bruise around my eye the night before sunday....and also the food I made earlier doesn't seem to do any good I've had two bowls of filling spaghetti only to have my body burn of all the calories so i am still just as hungry but I honestly don't think I have an appetite right now, so I will probably have a cigarette so I don't feel as hungry.

I don't even know what to do with myself...listening to music doesn't even seem to do much for me anymore, and I am worried about where this appointment will lead...I mean I can't very well go on like this, but at the same time I have to admit I'm too mental to function...usually with mental health type appointments I am more busy trying not to say anything 'concerning' but I think I'm passed that point.

And this disorganized ramble thing took me about an hour to type.