Lost,

I didn't read through all the pages of this post but I did see some posts on not knowing if you should be attached to your t or not.

This is my analogy of how attachment (which I have issues with) worked. It was like a blankie that a toddler cares around. When I first started T and became attached to my T, he was like my blankie. I needed him (and boy I didn't like it) but over time as I became more stable more confident with myself... I realized that I could "lay my blankie aside" to "play"... every so often, I would go back pick up my blankie and cuddle and realize okay its still here and was able to go off again. The times between grew longer and longer before I would rush back as I got stronger.

Now when I was sick or hurt, I needed my blankie (crisis) but when that passed I was able to go back to routine.

That is what I think your T is hoping you will realize. That just like a blankie, you can lay him aside and live your life and when you need him. he will still be there. He doesn't just disappear when you don't see him.

Hopefully, you two can examine where your abandonment issues come from and how YOU can help meet those needs yourself.