you see the warning signs. being vigilent of your drinking/drug history can help. it sounds like you are looking for a way to escape life. the only thing is when you "come to" everything you tried to ecsape will still be there. i used a T to help re life problems that kept me standing still in my sobriety or resorting back to my old solution that was self destructive. in conjunction with AA it helped me immensely. most if not all of us trying to recover have loads of life problems too. finding new ways of handling life problems-anger, flight, emotional, pain, etc-can aide you in your sobriety. it worked for me. have you seen a T?
as for god. he's right there with you. pray and ask for his guidance. it will be revealed. are you listening?