I know the attachment is hard and confusing and messy. Me and my T talked a lot today about trusting life...very hard to do I know, but I wonder if this applies to you as well. You got where you are for a reason, you feel how you feel about T because it's what you need on some level, and when the need lifts (which is will, because that's the nature of life) you will be in an easier place.

I know it is painful right now but I wonder if you're over-thinking everything. I used to do this myself and tie myself in knots. Actually I probably still do it. Thinking isn't bad, but there comes a time to let it all go and be what it is. Let the attachment be...god I so need to take my own advice on this...and eventually it will become easier and make more sense. T is there for you as a therapist, he can't be anything else. I know that's hard. But the therapy relationship is a special one and is no less real than anything else, it's just different.

One day you will feel stronger.