All night long..... Almost lover by a fine frenzy

My very first love will never know I'll always have a piece of him.... She is growing in me and he is so toxic I have to be gone and quickly, I see people are starting to notice even tho I hide inside most of the time. Things are really coming together to get out. I'm sorry guys don't mean to spill over on here but I really love him and making myself stay away from his toxicity is killin me....
Why am I always so attrected to mentally or verbally abusive men? My therapist and I are working on this but damn it, it doesn't help me tonight or right now
It is crazy making behavior with or without him at this point.... Jerk!