I'm exactly where you are right now, struggling everyday, but hang in here, you are 48, you've been through so much, yet you are STILL here, alive. Think about it, you were able to survive from all those difficulties in the past, you CAN survive this too!!! Keep telling yourself this, you can get over this as well. I understand how hard it is with the issues of job/money/relationship/hobby, set your priorities, fix it once at a time. Baby step!