In my current situation I think I am cycling a bit fast (like I don't already...) but, I have a whole new wall that I crash into. And it's that I'm really scared.

Like me and my husband will be doing something really fun and laughing and hugging and suddenly it comes into my mind "just think in a few months I might be dying in the hospital with sepsis." And I just start crying uncontrollably. Not like bawling and sobbing. Like just tears running down my face and I can't stop them. I try to logic them away. I try to say that's not true, I'll be fine. But it won't stop and I start to feel panicked, like everything has been taken away from me.

I feel like a ghost already walking around. I think my husband is really scared too, but he doesn't say so. We don't know what to do. It's that moment you realize you have to jump out into the air and not know if there's really an invisible bridge, or you're just going to fall....