Thanks, everyone, for the hugs. Thank you for understanding, CantExplain. I feel more settled today. I'm close to tears about life--the way it is. I love my T and I love my parents. I wish my Mom had lived longer; it's not fair but that's the way it happened. G-d (that's the way I write His name) runs the world, not me. I feel close to my T when I discuss my mother, and closer to my Mom too. She doesn't have her parents either. I emailed her some of my feelings but it's all right. When it's not about her, emailing is okay for me. For everyone--