Kyuoma thank you for your responce. I don't need to feel any worse about things. So your post was a nice change.

My H is self employeed. His work is his hobby. He has 15 or so employees and works 6 days a week. Usually 60 - 70 hours. He's a workaholic. He likes to be at home outside doing something in his spare time. He's never home so home is the place he likes to be. Only because he is not home alot has some of the counselors not made a huge deal out of his behavior. We are doing marriage T together. We have alot of issues. His need for control and jealousy and my holding on to all the wrongs. I've also got the fear and things that go along w/ abuse. So it appears we will be in T for a good while.

I do not condone how he treats me but I do understand why he sees thing the way he does. He is learning that just because his dad did what ever doesn't mean he should. Often I bring to his attention "Is this how your dad talked to you, did you like being talked to that way?" He will say yes and I hated it. I tell him well I hate it or the kids hate it. He just looks at me but you can almost feel the wheels in his head turning. It has taken a long time to get to this point. But we are here now. I really feel like my T has a good way of dealing w/ my H. He likes her and that helps alot. I like her to but am still nervous about being judged or saying the wrong answer. We certinly need to get out and do more things together and enjoy life together. We need to make good memories to overide all the bad memories.

Thank you again for not blaming me. It gives me a tiny shred of hope to hang onto durring the day.