Hey, I can only speak from my own experience, because that's all that I know. I have a very hard time talking in person about my feelings. I can also write, somewhat, yet have extreme trouble verbally (I will stumble over my words and have to stop).

I think I may come off as somewhat 'dramatic' when expressing myself, because this is the only way I've learned how to communicate. I know this is ineffective, yet, without any alternative (my brain is wired differently) I continue to do the same thing.

I understand the intent of underlining of certain behaviors to show someone else where they're lacking or being misunderstood. This can be taken a variety of ways, it is hopefully done with caring. I know many of my greatest teachers were people who I thought at the time to be extraordinarly cold, removed and 'unkind.' In retrospect this was not the case.

However, I have a lot of growing to do. I still get resentments from these kinds of things. I take any form of criticism extremely personally, isn't that a part of what we do as people with BPD? I personally get all bent out of shape at criticism whether it's done in a loving way or not.

If one of my so-called 'teachers' explains to me that my emotional reaction is 'over the top' (which it often is), it doesn't change it. I already know my current methods are not working --obviously some kind of reinforcement was given for my behaviors in the past, which is why I continue to do them...(we learn via conditioning) However, we also learn experientally.

For instance, today I was talking with a friend who knows me well, about some of my BPD traits. I was asking for honest answers about her take on my behavior. Is my Borderline that apparent? Well, yes it is...She declared that my need for approval or validation if you will was moreso than most. (Many people can validate themselves and don't need approval from others). The people 'getting up for coffee' would not bother a 'healthy' person for example, at least not much. I am not them. Knowing this was interesting, but her telling me did nothing to change my need for approval from others. WHY I do this: I already know, it is near-impossible to validate myself and approve of MYSELF.

Also, my friend said that if things do not go my way, I react emotionally...I don't have a full-blown temper tantrum mind you, but I do react. This in itself made me feel extremely defensive. I'm not a spoiled brat! How dare she...but I came back to the present and tried to integrate my feelings, right, I had asked her, I wanted honesty, I wanted criticism yet I felt taken aback when I got it. I can't take criticism. Why would I react when things don't go my way? Looking at this got me to thinking, I'm not a dramatic spoiled brat, but it can come across that way, I crave validation...If my 'way' is invalid...it reinforces my sense of invalidation.

So I got the honest friend perspective and I know WHY I behave in certain ways, but it doesn't change my behavior...I am still this way. I still suck at taking criticism despite it's good intentions from people who love me and people who are neutral toward me.

My black and white thinking comes into play too: Well if they think I am a spoiled brat then they HATE me. If they don't have criticism then they LOVE me. There's no balance. Someone can love/like me and still criticize me. Someone can hate my guts and have no criticism for me. Someone can walk away and my feelings are INVALID. Someone can sit and really listen to me, but, my feelings are STILL invalid. What a paradox for a person with BPD...what a paradox for me.

DUring a support group, like anywhere else, I need validation. Not having it, or having it in surplus won't change anything...Someone pointing it out to me doesn't make my need go away either.

It is brave to talk. We are extremely vulnerable in a support group type venue...we are exposing are weaknesses and (hopefully) being honest with ourselves and others. This leaves us open to criticism.
I know I can't talk exhaustively, though. It doesn't help me...I could have the validation of the whole world and it still wouldn't make the feeling go away, not until I validate myself...Until I do that, all and every type of criticism comes as a threat. I give myself the criticism too!

I understand how some of us Borderlines can be dramatic to the observing world; I don't think it has to do anything with being a man or woman, I've met both alike who were equally so. But there's always an underlying reason, why do we do certain things and feel certain ways? Why do we hate criticism? Why does it really get under our skin when Joe-blow is walking away while we're talking? It comes down to validation...

Broken, your feelings are valid. You are brave for talking and exposing yourself, Mara is right.

I know I can't change other people ...I can only change myself...so that's where I personally need to look first. (hence why I always try to speak from my own experience and perspective)... Criticism is valid, however many times unwarranted, lol, even if it's done with respect and understanding. Walking away is also valid. Listening is valid... We are all valid. Criticism makes me spin my wheels, but so does talking even to someone who IS listening to me with intent...I spin my wheels by nature...(well , by nature of my BPD).
Until I can validate myself I will spin ever more.

Hugs your way Broken I hope your day is going better today.