I don't know what I'm hoping he says back. I'm hoping there's a solution/resolution that is deeper and more healthy than what I seem to be seeking. I'm hoping that he can handle what I said. He has encouraged me to say the things I cannot say.

You guys may or may not remember but he wouldn't allow me to see him more often than once a week when I was in a pretty deep crisis last spring. During our last session, when we were scheduling, he asked when and how often would you like to come. I said, what?? And he repeated himself. I want to ask him, "what changed?" And I probably will.

But I just named most of the elephant in the room and will hopefully have the guts to spill more when I see him tomorrow. I'm tired of being stuck. I'm tired of being thin out of fear rather than self-love. I'm tired of not believing people when they say I'm attractive. I'm just tired of living in my own stupid reality.