So I will try to keep this from being too long but still get all the needed info out. I'm new to the forum and looking for input from both the spouses of someone who suffers from BP as well as those who suffer from it as well

My wife and I have been together for 10 years and married for almost 4 years. She has been diagnosed with BP type 2 the entire time. The docs say she doesn't have a severe case and her lows seem to be much much worse than the highs. When we met, she was medicated and in talk therapy once a week. I can't remember why, but she stopped both. She lost her job because she stopped showing up. It was then that I convinced her to get into a study (no insurance since she was jobless). The study meds seemed to help quite a bit, but once the study was over, she didn't have access to meds again. She made a career change, thinking her old job might have been a trigger, and once again had benefits, but it took almost another year before she saw a doc again and got back on meds. That lasted less than 6months before she took her self off. I can't remember if she tried again between then and this last time. But now she has been seeing a doc for the last year and is back on meds but they are having a hard time finding the right mix. She is doing a little better, but not much. She is still refusing talk therapy, just sees the doc, they talk about meds and he changes the script.

She has told me in the past, when she was in college, that she had attempted suicide twice but friends stopped her. She says that's not a problem anymore, she was just young and stupid, but I do worry about that.

On top of her issues, I suffer from major depressive disorder, but I am medicated and the meds seem to do the trick for the most part.

Now for the infidelity, 3 years ago we were having marital problems as a result of me working on the road a lot and not being home. Once I realized how unhappy she was about it, and that she was considering a divorce, I quit that job. Within a week of being home, I walked in on her "playing" (if you will) with a guy friend of hers through text and phone. He lives on the opposite side of the country. I was devastated. I did not tell her to stop talking with him then, I know I should have but we were having problems and she really doesn't have a lot friends, but I did tell her that had to stop. We kept working on our marriage and 6 months later, she decided that she shouldn't be talking with him.

About 7 months ago, I found out they were talking again. I was furious. She swears up and down they are just friends and it wasn't like before. I told her then that he needed to not exist in her life. He was a problem before and I didn't want her communicating with him any more. She said fine.

1 1/2 months ago I found out they were talking yet again....a lot. We fought about it...I told her I didn't know if I could open myself up to her again and that this might be it, since she has now broken all trust. She kept saying it was just friendly chat, so I asked to see her phone. It wasn't friendly chat. One message she sent him that stands out was something like "took a nap today. Thought about you when I fell asleep, but no dreams. Will try again tonight"

So we've gone to a couple marriage therapy sessions, but the therapist said my wife is already doing everything possible to rebuild trust and that the sessions will do us no good until I figure out if I wanna be in the marriage still. So the recommendation is that I start individual therapy, which I have my first appt booked.

So I guess here's what I'm hoping to get some insight on:

1) is infidelity common in BP spouses? If so, does that make it right?

2) does bipolar get worse as you age? Is it progressive? Can BP 2 become BP 1?

3) does multiple cycling of being on meds then off then back on make it worse?

I kinda feel like a door mat at this point because for 10 years I feel I've been pretty supportive about the whole thing and its like this is the thanks I get. I know it probably makes me sound like a bad guy, but we are both fairly young (early 30s) and I kinda want to know if this is all I have to look forward to or is it time to move on? Ya know.

Any input is helpful. Thank you!