I am so sorry all this is happening to you guys. Being BP is very tough for both people in marriage and from my own experience, I have never been able to be faithful and I am BP. I don't blame BP. I just don't love my husband but stay for kids. BP people are supposedly promiscuous at times and go through cycles of this. Not sure if she's cycling or if she truly can't let go of this other person mentally. I personally think there might be more to this than BP but I'm not a expert. Just knowing myself being BP, I do crave the affection and love which I don't get at home. No i dont think its right at all. Theres just reasons all of us stay married. Do you think she is "in love" with you? Do you feel her love?? Sorry to be so personal on this. I'm just a woman that can relate. My husband has caught me and we've counselled and things never change. I don't know if it gets worse with age. Maybe BP changes with hormones as we get older, adding to a harder time controlling the rapid cycling. Individual therapy has helped me alot and I hope it helps you too.