you don't sound ridiculous to me. you made some hard choices. and another hard one is here now, do you stay in the marriage that is bad, do you try to make it better, do you leave, do you leave for some time to help you decide? this is a hard time for you i'm sorry i'm trying to leave a 7 yr relationship and it's horrilbe and confusing, i'm not sure i'm doing the right thing. leaving a marriage is even harder.