I can't believe all that has been happening to you, I am so sorry. I have lost many friends and family lately as well. My friend died less then a year ago from cancer, and on the same day, my aunt died and I was in the hospital. It was not a pleasant day for me. I think of them both often. I am learning that the only thing that seems to help, is time. I do go to therapy, and that is a huge deal. Have you thought of doing this? Everyday that I can, I say I love you, to all my loved ones before it is to late. This I have learned the hard way. And somehow life goes on, and you will be o.k. In fact, an incredibly strong person, stronger than many.
With love, Abbidy