I sympathize with your situtation, and I understand what you're going through. I am bp, together with my husband for 9 years, and close to 30s. We also went through a very similar situation.

My previous boyfriend was pretty much toxic. And he didn't go away right away. He left threatening messages on my phone about dropping an engine on my car. I had to get a restraining order. He followed my husband from the college one day and tried to wreck him in the car. Just bad news all around. That was years ago, and when he found me on facebook, I thought maybe we were old enough to move on and possibly be friendly towards one another. I forgot that I had promised my husband that I would never talk to him or his friends again. We started talking on facebook, then texting. Just kinda getting caught up, completely harmless. He suggested meeting up somewhere in person, I didn't see any harm in it. My husband didn't like it at all. Turns out, he didn't want to be just friends. The whole situtation was hard on my husband. He thinks that cheating is even just talking to someone. There was never anything sexual or promiscuous that we were talking about, mainly jobs and families. But to him, that was cheating. It took about a year for him to get over that, and I don't think he did all the way.

Basically, I kinda know what you're going through. Although I've been on my meds since I've been diagnosed. Though now I've found out that I've possibly been manic for at least 6 months while on meds without knowing it, so maybe we're similar in not being normalized by meds. But I have never thought about cheating or hurting my husband in that way.

I do want to say that she may love you even if she doesn't seem to show it. I love my husband like crazy and want to be with him forever. I just don't always show him, like with a random hug or kiss, or just saying " I love you". I don't know why, but it's so hard for me to do these little things. It took me about 2 years to be able to actually tell him those words, and even now it's still hard to do sometimes. But don't go off her actions alone if she loves you or not. Because my husband thought I hated him and went to a lawyer to get divorce papers. Me trying to talk him out of it was the first time he felt like I really loved him. Things still aren't perfect, but we do know that we love each other.

I'm sorry you have to go through this. I would say if she's unwilling to get treatment and medication, then maybe it's time to move on. RIght now, I know things are good and I'm working to change them. If she can't make that change, then things are going to stay the same. And you can't live the way you are. It's not fair to you. I know I'm all the over page on this, and I apologize. I was just trying to let you see that I understand your situation, and give some advice that I've picked up over the years.