Okay, so I haven't been on here in a couple days because I can't seem to sit still long enough to really read any posts. When I went to my pdoc last week, she decided to take me of risperadone and put me on trileptal because the risperadone made me ache. She warned me that it wasn't an AP and to watch out for that. She also said if I got too hyper to cut my lexapro in half.

Anyways, so I since stopping the risperadone, my mania has gone through the roof. I did end up cutting my lexapro in half, but I don't think that helped anything, I almost think it almost made it worse, though it doesn't make sense. I am also getting some auditory hallucinations and mild visual hallucinations, which I haven't really ever had before. Has anyone else stopped an AP and gotten worse or new psychotic symptoms afterwards?

On top of that, I feel like I am literally loosing my mind. I feel like I'm losing touch from lack of a better way to describe it. I can't focus, I can't sit still, even after I ended up pulling a muscle in my back the other day, the pain isn't even enough to slow me down. In fact, once I get going, I don't even feel it. I'm sure when I come back down, I'll pay for it, but right now I couldn't care less.

I just don't know what to do. I can't sit still, I can't think straight, I've been trying to keep some music going at all times because it seems to help keep the auditory hallucinations at bay. I have an appointment with my T on Friday, and one with my pdoc next Tuesday. I honestly don't even know what I'm looking for in writing you all a novel, except maybe some ideas, suggestions, something? And suggesting physical activity is pointless, just an fyi, I've been out back lugging around logs, raking, and stuff for days. I feel like I'm on crack. HA HA HA HA.