(((MP))) and (((cutenotcrazy)))- I definitely was drowning repeatedly when I was a younger mother. My daughter is 8 now and the only coping mechanism I really used were anti-depressants and two trips to the mental hospital. I could not wrap my mind around the concept that other mothers had it tough. Everyone I talked to said little or nothing. I think we all have such a great fear of being thought of as a bad mother. When I went to the pdoc, I just said I was depressed and anxious and got meds. I drank a lot of alcohol and then realized I wanted to kill myself. I took a lot of my pills and fortunately blacked out but not before calling two of my brothers who called police from hundreds of miles away. The paramedics came in thru my back window. My daughter was two and was napping. Once I drank I decided everyone especially her would be better off without me. I was very fortunate. I hadn't been seeing my therapist for quite awhile. After all this happened, she rightly tossed a bucket of cold water over me once and for all by telling me the greatest predictor of suicide in a child is a parent who kills him or herself.

Please go easy on yourselves.

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