I think boundaries are easier to understand if they are looked at from a perspective of separateness.

My T rarely if ever tells me anything about her Husband. That is a boundary that HE has set up for her. He wants his own privacy. I know where he works and something that happened to him last year and thats about all. She would share more i think, but he doesnt want her too. Perhaps your t's husband is the same. But why does it matter to you so much what she does or doesnt say about her husband? Why is it such an issue?

Have your boundaries ever been breached before?

I'm the complete opposite of you, I think I'm very private in real life. People don't know ANYTHING about me, much to their frustration. I was telling my therapist yesterday that I don't even like when I become a "regular" at eating establishments because then waitstaff start anticipating what I want. They start thinking they know me, which then leads to them trying to be friendly/nice to me, and I just don't want that. I'm too engrossed in my own inner world to want to "dance" with them.

So I respect boundaries a great deal and can't imagine being any other way. Reading about your struggles has been eye-opening. I think it is good that you have a therapist who is firm in her boundaries because this makes her a good role model for you. My therapist has much looser boundaries than I do, and I'm learning from her that it's okay to be a little less guarded.

Who else has shut you out?

I'm wondering if it's just about T's H? What if she DID tell you more about him? Would that be enough? Would you then want to know about her brothers and sisters? Her parents? Her cousins? Her best friend? Her classmates in college?
I DO know something about her siblings; she told me. I also know a few things about her parents; she also told me. Well, yes I would like to know more about her family.
Is her husband just symbolic of the fact that you and T can never be friends in the way you want?
Probably you're right. If we were friends, she would tell me, or I would know. I don't understand why she has disclosed about her kids and siblings, but not her husband.
I think she's doing a great job by keeping up boundaries. How would you really feel if you saw that she was loose with other people's private lives? Would you like her to be that way? Would you admire someone who casually broke other people's boundaries? Sharing info about her H WOULD be crossing his boundary. Would she seem like a very trustworthy person then? I don't know if it's her H's boundary or hers. If her H doesn't want her talking about him, I agree she wouldn't be trustworthy if she did it anyway. I have a feeling it's HER choice, though. I know I have to accept it but right now I wish I could talk to her about it again, not to get a different response, but to figure out why it bothers me so much. No, I wouldn't want her to break people's boundaries.

You say T shuts you out. Would you like your sessions to be her sharing every facet of her life? Would all that knowledge be enough for you? And how would it feel when you discover she's just as imperfect as the rest of us? How would it be if you discovered that she suffers from anxiety or depression? Would that change your opinion of her? Would she no longer be the person you so desperately want to be close to?
I already know she's imperfect and it wouldn't matter if I found out she suffers from anything. I'd like her just the same, or maybe even more.
Right now she presents as an ideal. She's ideal in that she gives you all of her attention. That's what's so great about the therapist/client relationship. We get all the focus and that feels good AND since they're trained helpers in the realm of our emotions, it feels doubly good.

Rainbow, so sorry that you have to face such tough emotions. And I know that logical thinking does not solve the issues. But, I think, the more we allow logic to be part of the equation, the more our emotions may come into line.

My T told me today that we have 2 spheres of relating - with the emotional brain and the rational brain. The two need to work in tandem. We cannot lead healthy lives if we work predominantly from one arena or the other. Where those 2 circles intersect is called the 'wise mind' and that's where we strive to live.
That's part of DBT except they list 5 different spheres, not just 2. I'm sure it will help me to be in wise mind. We haven't gotten that far in the course yet.
I wish you luck in finding that place as I wish for all of us.

I think it's part of trusting your T. She made this decision to not talk about her husband for a reason, and it has to be accepted. It's not about shutting you out, it's about keeping his information protected. This part really isn't about you, but about her, about him.
I can see that logically, but something gets triggered in me anyway.
There is also the knowledge that there's been a lot of transference and intense feelings towards T. So if she starts talking about H, what does that open? Then it becomes all about T and T's life. And if she talks about H, even something positive ("My H bought me flowers today") then it runs the risk of "HER H buys her flowers, my H can't do that, or I want to do that for T but she won't let me, etc".
I know. I don't know what exactly I wish I could know. I don't like that I know a lot about T but her H is a stranger.
I have to think right now it feels so "messy" with T, and such big, big feelings to get worked out. She's protecting her H, but maybe you too? From opening that door of it being more about her, her husband, her life, what she has, etc?

Hi Rainbow. I am glad to hear you know it's ok to cry. Intense feelings need an outlet. You were enjoying your walk, thinking nice thoughts about how genuine and great T is, sounds lovely.

Then your thoughts changed, then your mood changed. But do you see, nothing (no rupture, termination etc) NOTHING had changed with your T during your walk.

So put your tennies on and go for another walk. Go with the intention of remembering all of the wonderful wise ways your T is there for you. Your T sounds really smart.

I don't talk about all sorts of things with others even when they tell me all the same things I would not tell them. I would not think her not telling you is personal.