I'm sorry to hear you are suffering pain and I can't relate to how you feel. Isn't there some charity groups that can help people with financial difficulties? Try to look it up, I'm sure the government at your place have some policies to protect and help people like you. There are others who also suffer from illness and lack of money to get better, so there must be some ways to help you guys. I know this is very hard, but try to transfer that pain into something positive, it reminds you that you are still alive and have a chance to live better. And try watching some inspiration documentary or stories, how people with illness get over their difficulties and live a life with a new perspective, yes you may feel no motivation to watch those right now, but when you feel better some days in the future, watch it, it will encourage you and notice that there are other people have more worse situation than you but still able to come out of it.