I think accepting it is about you and not T is a massive step forward. I think it's really hard to let go of not getting what was needed in the past and accept you can't get most of those needs met from T or anyone else. I'm going through the same thing. It's not always linear either - I seem to go two steps forward and then one back. I really feel for you in where you're at. It's great you can tell T that therapy is about the relationship for you because this is something I struggle to do, although I'm sure my T knows.

As the others have said, life isn't fair. It just isn't. I try to remind myself of that when I feel down about the horrible things thrown at me, both past and present. It's not personal. You weren't picked out to lose your mother. It's just life happening. This doesn't mean brushing over your grief because that is important, but there does come a time when it's far healthier to let go of the longing for things to have gone differently and make the most of life regardless. Otherwise the danger is spending your life clinging to what wasn't, and that is sad. I need to do this as much as the next person. I know that I still want to be mothered in many ways, but the fact is, I won't and can't be. In therapy comes personal responsiblity to accept that eventually and move onward, with T's help. The best T in the world can't help you unless you make a decision to move forward. That is what I'm realising as well. It is so very hard. It is also important to be gentle with yourself and know it takes time but if you can see baby steps in what you've achieved, that can only be good.