Today my older brother decided that he wasnt mad at me any more (he was mad at me for trying to commit suicide). He had this big long talk with me, he has been the only one in my family who really shows their appreciation for me. I felt safe knowing that I have him again. So then he kinda opened up to me, telling me about his life and troubles a little more. It tore me apart knowing some of the stuff that he has been through, I had no idea, I always thought we were so close. So now Im all mad at myself for not paying more attention to him after all he has done for me. I feel like I have no emotions, and I can't feel anything, after he told me everything about him. I am just really down, everyone keeps telling me that I need to get out more. So later tonight I am going out with some friends, I hope they make me feel a bit better, instead of just adding drama. Blah blah blah, I know I'll just shut up now.