So I had a really good therapy session yesterday. We talked about learning how to forgive myself, and such, which I was actually kinda on board about and was excited to do.

Long story short, something happened last night to make it all come back, the guilt, and the hatred, and now I am seeing that my choices a few years ago, although I am not the same person, has totally messed up my kid (if not both of them).
I want to get him help, and I totally blame myself. Totally true.

I am just not going into too much detail about him, he is safe, not hurting himself or anything, he is just emotionally scarred (For lack of a better term, I am using the cliche)
And he knows I am depressed/PTSD, and worries about me, which isn't his job. I guess the saying "little pitchers have big ears" is true. Dang it.

I am glad he cares and wants to stay with me but I feel so bad for him. What can I do.
I was so mad at myself I chose to use a "not good" coping mechanism. I kindof want to call T, and did last night, but hung up on the machine. I don't know. I really just want to crawl away and hide somewhere, and honestly, the kids are the only thing keeping me sane right now. I probably would have cracked if it weren't for the fact that the kids don't need to worry more about me than they already do.

And I am really trying to focus on the positive right now, and not getting into the "woe is me" mentality, but it is SO hard right now. (sorry I have a lot of cliches in this post I guess!)
Is this even worth calling my T over? My next session is not for a few weeks, but she probably could fit me in next week. It's definitely not an emergency, but I don't know if I can go until next month.

Anyway, thanks for reading. If you made it this far. If it was even worth reading.