Follow Up to bad session:

So I had my session today. I got there and he immediately wanted to know if I was on my meds? I was honest, he made me promise to go back on them, and told me if I didn't we would stop therapy, because he cant give me proper treatment I need. Then he seriously asked if I needed to be brought to the hospital. I said no.

He asked why I had stopped? I said because I felt like giving up. He told me that was a scary thought and asked why I felt that way and what prompted that feeling. He asked if something triggered it and I said yes but was going to be mad if I told him. He told me he would only be frustrated if I didn't tell him. Then he asked me what triggered me to be upset, and I managed to tell him Monday's session. He asked what about it made me upset, was it the session or my thought process? I basically shutdown for like 15 minutes after that. He kept asking what made me upset, he said he was baffled as to what he said would make me want to give up, and I finally blurted out that it was the thing that always makes me shutdown.

He finally said is it because I said I can't always see you?? I said yes. He asked if I'm spinning it the wrong way when I'm not with him? I told him yes and that I didn't get our relationship and asked why I couldn't just see him like once a month for the rest of my life. He asked why I was thinking so far in advance and I said, because I didn't think he would bring it up. He said obviously since I'm not well its too hard for me to understand any of this. He said he's not going to bring it up any more. He said were just going to move on from it for now because he doesn't know what to say. BUT he says he can't and won't lie to me or make me believe something that's not true because that's not fair to me. He said the idea that I react so irrationally to this thought scares him. He said that even if I want him to lie to me he's not going to. He said from this point forward he won't bring it up, but he just can't be afraid to bring up those goals in the future.

I guess I feel a little better. Sorry it was so long. I type it all out so I can come back to it later and re-read it.