i personally cannot say whether you are depressed or not, its something you will need to discuss with your GP.

in response to your statement "im so much taken by that dark thought ,and afraid to face myself with the truth.....Is that Depression???", being faced with the reality of having to be surounded by darkness is a hard thing to comprehend, and alot of us would rather deny it than accept it in hope for an easy life. the fear to accept it could be related to depression, that is something you should consider talking to a councillor about.

hope will return to you soon enough, if you need it too much you wont find it. how does that well-known saying go..."you only find something when you stop looking", or something like that.

you say that you used to have a strong will, to be honest, it looks to me as if you still have it, you have the will to conquer these emotions you are feeling, and you cant ask for any more will than that.

you are a determined person in my eyes, and you are prepared to accept whatever it takes to "heal" yourself again, and that takes alot of courage. i say you should give yourself a very well deserved pat on the back...and heres a hug from me

(((((((((((((((((((((((LARA))))))))))))))))))))))))

take care and i look forward to hearing from you shortly