The hardest thing is that my life runs quite smoothly if you're some one looking in from the out side.

The earliest memory of feeling out of place was when I was 12 after moving from the city to the country, where there was a totally different culture. I've never met with a physician or any one on these issues, because prior to relocating from Australia, I thought I was over sensitive or hormonal hah!

In comparison to most people, my family is pretty normal. However, I have next to no relationship with my father. He has always made an effort to keep in touch with my brothers, but not myself. I have no memories of ever have a conversation with him that didn't go along the lines of "hows things been lately?". I have a very close relationship with my mother. However, I don't open up to her about these things because I feel guilty, feel like I would just upset her or bother her. The only thing that's happened in my life that I can think of, that would have any significant impact on me, is at the age of 4 and my older brother (who was 8 at the time) was hit by a car, and killed. I witnessed this happen. I remember every thing about that night, except for the initial impact, and the few minutes after. I do however, remember 100% how I felt on the night. Even now just thinking of it I get an extreme tightness in my chest. I'm told that at a young age, before that 5 minutes gap in that night, I was able to describe in great detail how my brothers bones broke on impact. I've never been able to talk about it since, because it would upset my mother and my older brother (who was 11, and also saw it happen, so his memories are far more vivid). My mother has always babied me, as I was the youngest and I wasn't even aware of how bad my anxieties were until I moved out of home 8 months ago, and had to do every thing for myself.

I find my biggest reasons for bottling things up is I either:
a) Don't trust the person, feel they won't care or that they'll think I'm just seeking attention.
b) I have too much empathy for some people who have had issues far worse than mine. I never want to unload my issues on to anyone and bother them when they have enough on their plate.