Slept a good nine hours straight yesterday. I know I seem obsessed with sleep but before I was put on a small dosage of Seroquel the docs had tried everything and I went years with very little sleep. It was common for me to go nights in a row with zero sleep, then get maybe two-three hours, then start the cycle over. I barely functioned. Sometimes I still have bad mini-cycles of poor or little sleep but it usually breaks, and I'm hoping it has.

Anyhow, feeling much better. Mood is ok, but I have been battling guilt at feeling like I put my brother, mother, and sister out. It wasn't anything drastic but word got around about some difficulty I was having, and all of them contacted me, more then once. And they really all have enough serious problems of their own to deal with... not of their own making, but they don't have it easy.

This is not typical. Not at all. I don't usually get them involved in my problems, but one person told another, till they all knew. They weren't mad, just puzzled, because I am supposed to be "the strong one" in the family. I know it was from my best friend, whom I've known since we were kids. I tried to call her afterwards, and she didn't even answer the phone.

I know she's having her own really tough problems, she's not been herself for a long while, and she only told told my brother, but I still feel dismayed. I really feel like I've lost her because she has changed so much in the past years. And it's like she handed me off and told my family to deal with it. Plus wouldn't even take my call afterwards... that's the worst part... and I do not bother her with my problems rarely ever these days because I know she is fragile, and brittle, now. Oh well, enough rambling. It did help by just putting my thoughts into words, though.

Today is a new day, and I'm gonna try and focus on the present.