Do you mean that after I improve, that you think talking about the termination with my extherapist would be a good idea? I do hope I am able to do this, after I work through it all and am able to figure out what is mine to own. I do wish that I knew what was mine, what was transference, what what him, etc. But I honestly don't, and I am okay with that for now but will work with that with my newT.

Thank you for saying that termination is not just termination, because of all the elements of which you speak, it has been a rocky road and I care about my xT so I struggle when I'm enraged at him. I feel like I'm betraying him and myself. But, I think you are right, I do need to accept my reaction as being just that, a reaction to abandonment, betrayal, and loss. My rage and pain comes from not wanting my xT to be any of these things, but I am now experiencing the pain of accepting that this is a huge loss. I do think my new T will be able to help me through this, to help me become more independent, and to help me with my dissociated parts.

Thanks for your reply.