Thank you for your response Valexand. He and I basically speak the same language, although many words mean something different in our dialects. I do not know exactly how to explain that. I have learned to adapt to the way of speaking here.
I think one of the problems we have is that we live in his country and in his culture. He believes that I simply must fit in to the way things are here. I do try very hard, but some things are hard to change after a lifetime of thinking one way.
At least I do not think that children will be an issue. I am in my late 30s and have nearly adult children already (they go to boarding school). He is 20 years older than me and his children are adults.
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valexand said:
Hello MajaSep and welcome.
I have been in such a relationship. It didn't work out. I come from a place with much cultural baggage. He comes from a place with not much history - a newly formed country. I found myself more open to his country and culture than he was. I also tried to learn his language to come closer to him. He never tired to learn mine and generally he never made any attempts to come closer to my culture. I think that these "cross-cultural" relationships work out better either when both people come from heavy-cultural places because they both know how and what to respect or when at least one of them wants to join in to the other's culture in some way. The man you are with is making no attempt to come closer to what you grew up with. Your culture is what made you and it is a part of you but he doesn't seem to be approaching that. If you shove these indications under the rug, I think that they will appear again MUCH BIGGER when you guys have kids. How will you raise them? Maybe he does not want to talk about this issue because he has it fixed in his mind that everything will go according to his culture. Maybe to him, your culture does not matter. I remember the guy I was with used to publicly make fun of my culture and belittle it. All of the above of course come from my own bitter experience. I hope things work out for you. I hope he loves you enough to want to talk things through with you and keep the relationship going. Good luck.
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