Thanks all!! You know, I did have a really crappy childhood but who doesn't? But I do know, throughout the day I feel as if my dad and/or my mom are living inside my head and I'm actually becoming the worst combination of them both (I'm sure there are lots that feel this way). The thing is, it's all the things I hated. I get so angry with myself because I want the dysfunction(sp) to end here, I want to stop all these bad cycles and I'm not. I can objectively see myself and my behaviors and understand which are bad and which are good but I can't get up or put things into action. I'm just stuck in a big tar pit, struggling for my life but I don't know how to get someone nearby to help me. I yearn for a friend or SUPPORTIVE family member to visit or support me.

Sheesh, now I'm rambling and not making sense. Gosh, it's frustrating, I never seem to be able to communicate what I 'need' to say.

(thanks for listening!)