I guess I just apologize now for writing this. I am just having a really hard time. I had this discussion with my T this moring. We talked about what I've been doing to deal with all my internal parts. I haven't been handling it very well. I've been ignoring them and doing my best to make sure they are not coming out (even though many times they do anyway).

I also keep questioning myself on why am I like this? Am I just doing it?

My T kinda told me that it wasn't me doing it, she knows that. But she explained to me that in a way I am because I started doing this all when I was young when I had nothing else to do but to dissociate. I'm sure it's like that for everyone else who has DID. But she doesn't think I am purposely now doing it. Does this make any sense?

I'm just so torn apart right now. I'm so sick and tired of listening to them and paying attention to them. Sometimes I just wonder if I am just not ready to deal with all this right now. But I don't think I should wait much longer.

When I do things I do them in extremes so it's either I listen to them and make moving forward and everything the main focus in my life, I mean it's all I can think about, all I can do. Or I slack off and don't do anything to progress, anything that really makes me move forward.

Any comments, questions or support is greatly appreciated. I tried to be as open as I could be in this post and I'm sorry it's so long.