I'm sorry you're having such a hard time. You do not need to apologize for anything.

What you are dealing with is to be expected and no, you are not "just doing it."

Do you keep a journal? That is an excellent way for the communication to start and to give everyone a chance to say whatever it is they need to. It should help the chatter lessen a bit.

I think you know in your heart that you're ready to deal with this. This is why it's "all you can think about."

I'm glad you're here at PC. It will help you to have some support outside of T's office.