((Reality Perfection))

I am not a professional, but your description sounds a lot like bipolar disorder to me. It can be very challenging to treat, especially when you have physical illnesses in the way. I can relate a lot to that problem myself.

I am sorry that you had to suffer such a scary and chaotic childhood. I have warned those who stick with their abuser to be careful, because it's not uncommon for a lot of the blame to fall on the shoulders of the parent being abused (but sticking around anyway). We don't look at things real logically when we're kids. We want to get the heck out of the chaos ans wonder why those who love us aren't doing that already! My home life wasn't even close to being as chaotic as yours was when I was a child. Yet, here I am, as an adult, having a very tough time accepting my mom and appreciating that she did the best that she thought she could in that time.

That acceptance is a very hard piece of the monstrous puzzle before us!! Gentle hugs to you. Take care