My boss is annoying me. He tells me that I will not be upfront running the cash register any more. But, I get assigned to the register anyways. Today, he repeats the order that I do other duties rather than run the cash register and tells everyone nearby this again. But, I suspect that it wont happen because of the schedule. There are days where it is either me or a supervisor running the cash register. I don't know if he sees these things sometimes. It's like he lives in an ivory tower and expects everything to be done when there isn't enough worker hours to do it. The company refused to give him his bonus because he didn't cut the hours enough. But, we can't get everything done because of the changeover of ownership. It means that we have a lot more to do.
It feels like chaos to me. I already to tend to feel rather helpless with all these changes. I HATE CHANGE! I wish the store would feel so chaotic to me. I wish they wouldn't give me mixed orders. Either I do my "special job" or other orders. But, for God's sakes make it so that the manager doesn't grouse at me because I didn't straighten the store while running the cash register. My supervisor got her head bit off too. She tried to explain that there just wasn't enough time to get everything done.
My co-workers can't seem to get along. One has said some offensive racial remarks. Another claims that one is giving inaccurate price checks. Why can't we just work together? It's not like we have to like each other.
I hope things get better once the main changes from the sale takes place. I joke that I have now been fired before, laid-off and sold. Has anyone else been sold? (I mean that my store was bought by another company.) My T said that her husband's job did that once. I liked that she had been there before except that she had a job too. I don't have a husband or boyfriend. I have very few friends. My great aunt died in June of 2005 and grandma died in January of 2006. Why does life feel like I just seem to get burried in it? I mean I've always been a negative thinker (dysthymia). But, my life sucks worse than usual.
I mentioned that I cry all the time (almost daily) to a supervisor. I kind of wish I hadn't said that. I don't want her to worry about me because she tends to tell everyone when she has something on her mind. But, everyone has seem me cry at work. The manager has heard me joke about daily crys. I jokingly ask if I can go home in cry sometimes. I don't want them to think I'm nuts.
What's worse? I work in a drug store. If I ever get a prescription of any kind, I have to take it to work to fill. I'm almost certian that the insurance requires that I use our chain of stores of which I can only get to mine due to the bus route. I will double check this part later. So, I might have to let the pharmacist, pharmacy tech and pharmacy clerk think I'm nuts. I hate my stupid crappy life. (T wants me on anti-depressants.)
Well, it time for me to go to bed and see if I wake up in the middle of the night as usual. I sometimes think I'm mentally ill or something the way I wake up and think about the most meaningless stuff in the middle of the night. Does anyone else lay awake thinking about some dumb dream or some other stupid thing? I have developed a need to listen to music to go back to sleep to. Otherwise, I can't get my mind to shut up. I hope I don't depress any of you with all this ranting. I have some major changes at work this week.
I can cope with change with God's help. I have survived a firing and lay-off. I managed to move to college and into a new state after that. It is normal to feel nervous about major changes at work. Many other people have struggled with these same kinds of changes. It is okey to have emotional problems, negative thinking, trouble with expressing negative emotions and an amazing capacity for denial. Well, I just wanted to repeat to myself my little reminder. What do you think of my reminder statement?