I know its strange but I miss it.

I could do it, and I know I wouldn't feel it - it wouldn't be relevant, important or useful.

Thats a good thing? Or is it bad?

I think me doing it would just make me feel worse... and I don't need that.

I'm trying to be good, trying not to think about it ... but I do. A lot of my "support network" are gone this upcoming schoolyear -- and that sucks. If I start again, whats to keep me from never stopping?

I was reading a book "Secret Scars" and all I could think was "This is not me". And I don't know how I feel about that. I feel like a fake - doing this for no purpose. I know there is a reason behind the behaviour, but I don't know what it is. I don't think I ever will.

Switching from one addiction to another isn't useful, but I'd give anything to give this up... my thoughts around alcohol are getting worse. But I can at least stop that. SIng on the other hand ... not so much.

Now I'm excusing myself. Crud.

I'm just confusing myself. But I've been good for a few weeks now, lets hope it continues.