Well, I am someone who thought I was gay in my 20's and early 30's-- but, honestly, my self label was based on the fact that I was in relationships with women. It was easy where I worked and lived to be out and so I didn't really struggle with self acceptance or even social acceptance. And I don't have any real insight into whether your T's theory makes sense, although I have heard it floated before by people who are politically not haters. I think it can apply to some women and I don't see any harm with thinking and exploring for yourself (not just buying it because T said it) whether this might fit. Also, not many of the gay women I have known said they wished they could marry a man and have kids-- I understand that that could be said in the context of a desire to be what our society calls "normal"-- but as you know, gay women get married and have babies all the time and their families are as normal as anyone else's. But if you have a true desire for a heterosexual life that doesn't have anything to do with just being "normal", maybe your desire actually is a desire for a relationship with a man. Maybe it is something you could benefit from being open to rather than closing off.

For myself, I didn't go out looking for a man to marry. It just happened, but it did happen after I realized that I wanted to have a child. I was thinking about the logistics of having a child as a single woman and then I met the man I married, and have been with for almost two decades now. For me as I look back, I have been in relationships with individuals and the particular genital configuration has never been the real issue with me. I suppose that makes me bi if I had to put a label on it. I do correct people if they try to label me heterosexual. I still find women beautiful and sexy and my guess would be that if something happened to my marriage, I'd probably end up with a woman afterwards.

I think that for some people, sexuality may be something very stable and certain; for others, not so much so. I think that there might be usefulness in considering what your T said-- I don't mean go out and screw men for fun-- although I suppose that there's nothing wrong with that. I'd worry less about what you call yourself and work more towards being open to relationships of all sorts, but starting with friendships.